Keeping secrets is part of the trait of tznius. The word tznius means to “hide and conceal” that which should be kept private. Part of the trait of tznius is to keep secrets and not reveal private affairs. To disclose someone else’s secrets is tantamount to rendering that person “bare and unprotected” and is nothing short of pritzus, or immodest behaviour. The Sefer Chassidim by Rabbeinu Yehuda HaChassid [1. No. 350] enumerates seven qualities that are involved in true tznius. The seventh quality is כסות הסוד – “keeping and concealing a secret.” Similarly, the Chofetz Chaim writes: [2. Hilchos Rechilus 8:5] “A person is obliged to keep confidential a secret his friend has told him even if no rechilus (tale bearing) is involved in relating it. This is because it may be damaging to that person if his secret is revealed. Secondly, one is being disloyal in disregarding the condition under which the secret was told. Thirdly, there is a total lack of tznius in making public another person’s secret.”
To our deep regret this is another aspect of present day pritzus (immodest behaviour). People tell friends and associates the most private and personal matters about their husbands, wives, parents, and parents-in-law, matters which they have no right to reveal. There is no excuse for this and it is a lack of the most elementary levels of tznius.
That is very true, thank you.
Is it permissible to disclose information to a friend when seeking help?
Absolutely,
However. A friend is not always the best person to help, unless they have experience dealing with illness, addiction or abuse. One should probably a professional or rabbi who could best direct the individual to exact place that could offer the best help.
Dear Rabbi:
I agree that professional help should be sought. Other people or close friends are usually well meaning, but could do plenty of harm if not properly trained in Counseling. We have Jewish Family Service in Dallas and many, many experienced Rabbis’as well as Jewish Counselors of all types. My first thought is ask your Rabbi for help. Go from there.
Marilyn